The Portal to MiddleEarth
by Nightmare-in-Disguise
Summary: Hermione, Ron, Harry, Draco, and Snape fall through a portal(not all at once) and are transported to Middle-Earth. Typo Twins are created, and people eat/kill eachother. Erm... R/R, please.


A/N: Erm... I started writing this like... A year ago. Or maybe half a year... And now I'm finishing it. For some reason... Erm... It's really random. And has a lot of inside jokes such as the "You look like Keru!" jokes and stuff. *blinks* Well, hopefully this won't be removed but if it does, I'll just feel sorry for the dumbass without a sence of humor who reported it.   
  
*ahem* Well, I hope you enjoy my story. I swear that none of it was written while I was high! Well... Not yet anyways ^_~  
  
[i]---Side-Long-Glance, April 28, 2002[/i]  
  
(P.S.: Please ignore the space bewteen the * and the word in the action thing where it has the * around a group of words. I put the space there so my spell checker would stop counting it as a mispelled word -_-;)  
  
(P.P.S.: Oh, and ignore the nonHTML stuff, too. The HTML wouldn't work on ff.net when I uploaded the story.. ¬_¬; (I look like 'Keru...). Anyways, why didn't I just take out the HTMl instead of replacing it with that other HTML-like stuff that I've forgotten the name of? Well, I did that so you'd know what was italic ([i]) and what was bold ([b]).)  
  
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* Harry, Ron, and Hermione are walking down a hallway. Ron and Harry are trying to not be bored by what Hermione's telling them *  
  
Hermione: ..So then you add the fish scales to the potion and it becomes a Sleeping Potion  
and then-Woah! * falls through a random portal *  
  
Harry and Ron: * stare at the portal *  
  
Ron: What is it, Harry?  
  
Harry: I don't know... Let's hope that Snape falls through it. I can't stand him.  
  
Ron: And Malfoy too.  
  
* a long pause *  
  
Ron: Oh, what the hell! Let's go through and see where it leads!!  
  
Harry: Hmm... yeah! * jumps through the portal with Ron *  
  
* in Middle Earth *  
  
Hermione: * rubs her head * Where am I....? Oh! I've read about this place!!  
  
Ron: So where are we?  
  
Hermione: Welcome to... Middle-Earth!  
  
Ron: ....  
  
Harry: Middle Earth?  
  
Hermione: Oh, you don't read anything at all, do you?! Middle-Earth is the setting in the Lord of the Rings! That's where everyone lives!!  
  
Ron: Er... okay... * looks around * Why are there holes in the ground?  
  
Hermione: * looks at the holes * Those are Hobbit-holes. Hobbits live in them.  
  
Ron: What's a-  
  
Hermione: * interrupts Ron * A hobbit looks like a human only shorter and with pointy ears, but not ears like an elf. Hobbits are usually about half the size of a human.  
  
Ron: * blinks * Okay...  
  
Harry: * sees a short person in the distance by a hobbit hole * Is that a hobbit?  
  
Hermione: Yes, it is. * looks like she wants to go talk to him *  
  
Ron: What's stopping you?  
  
Hermione: ...What are you talking about?  
  
Ron: ...Well, you look like you want to talk to that hobbit person... So what's stopping you?  
  
Hermione: Nothing... * runs off to talk to the hobbit *  
  
Ron and Harry: * shrug and follow Hermione *  
  
Hermione: Hello, hobbit person! May I ask your name?  
  
Hobbit(Mr. Proudfoot): No! Go away! * turns away and works on his garden thing *  
  
Hermione: Humph! How rude! * walks further down the hobbity hobbit road to the hobbity hobbit town of Hobbiton to talk to some hobbity hobbits *  
  
Ron and Harry: * follow her once more *  
  
[b]~Elsewhere, in Hogwarts~[/b]  
  
Draco: Where's Potter and Weasley?! I have some anger to take out on them... * looks around the Great Hall *  
  
Goyle: I dun think he's hear.  
  
Draco: Goyle, correct your grammar!  
  
Goyle: * corrects his grammar *  
  
Draco: Better. And they're obviously aren't here! I said that they weren't, after all!  
  
Crabbe: No you didn't...  
  
Draco: * glares at Crabbe and Goyle * Come. I'm going to search Hogwarts. * walks away *  
  
Crabbe and Goyle: * shrug and follow Draco *  
  
[b]~meanwhile, in Middle-Earth~[/b]  
  
Hermione: * Sees a friendly looking hobbit with three other hobbit-lads and one hobbit-lass * * walks over to them * Hello, hobbits! My name is Hermione! What's yours?  
  
Friendly hobbit(Frodo): My name's Frodo. This is Pippin, Sam, Merry, and Emerald.  
  
Pippin, Sam, and Merry: * greet Hermione *  
  
Emerald: * notices Hermione's clothes * Those are much different clothes than what I've seen around here. Where ya from?  
  
Harry and Ron: * walk over to Hermione from where they were *  
  
Hermione: Well, I'm from-  
  
Harry: * interrupts Hermione * No where you've probably heard of. * whispers to hermione * If we tell 'em we're from another world, you think they'd even believe us?  
  
Hermione: * whispers back * I guess not...  
  
Harry: * to the Hobbits * We're from a small town out of the, er...  
  
Hermione: We don't live anywhere near the Shire. We live in a very, very small town called... er...  
  
Ron: Hogsmeade.  
  
Ron, Harry, and Hermione: ^_^;;  
  
Emerald: I used to study maps of Middle-Earth. I haven't heard of Hogsmeade...  
  
Ron, Harry, Hermione: * thinking: Uh oh... *  
  
Emerald: ...so it must be a new town or something.  
  
Pippin: I've heard of Hogsmeade! Delightful town, 'tis!  
  
Merry: * whispers to Pippin * Pippin, I think you'd better stop tellin' lies.  
  
Pippin: * loudly * I'm not lying!  
  
Everyone: ...o.O;  
  
Pippin: * quiets down * Okay, maybe I am...  
  
Emerald: ¬_¬;;  
  
Hika: * randomly appears * You look like Keru! ^_^ * disappears *  
  
Everyone: * blink blink *  
  
Ron: How... random...  
  
Emerald: But of course... Random things have been happening ever since I found... this... * walks over to a bush and pulls a large object out from behind there *  
  
Everyone: * walk over to the object *  
  
Harry: ...What is it?  
  
Ron: It looks like a.....  
  
Hermione: But... It can't be...  
  
Emerald: It's... a Thing.  
  
Ron, Harry, Hermione: * are confused * A Thing?  
  
Emerald: A Thing. And a very unlucky Thing, it is. Out little Shire has been seeing many random things happen.  
  
Hermione: How and where did you find this?  
  
Sam: 'Twas found just on the outskirts of Hobbiton...  
  
[b]~flashback~[/b]  
  
Random Hobbit(I'll call 'im Guy): * is digging in a cornfield on the outskirts of Hobbiton for some random reason * I would be saying "I wonder why I'm digging out here for some strange reason?" but that would only be answering my own question. * digs some more *  
  
* half an hour later *  
  
Guy: * is in a hole so deep that he can't see the top of the hole * I probably can't see the top of the hole because it's night. * digs a little more *  
  
* a few seconds later *  
  
Guy: * hits something with his shovel * It appears I've hit something with my shovel! * digs around the object *  
  
* some minutes later *  
  
Guy: * has dug up the whole object * I wonder how I'll get out of here? * randomly appears outside of the hole with the thing he dug up * That was random... * tries picking up the thing, fails, and therefore drags the Thing home to Hobbiton *  
  
[b]~end flashback~[/b]  
Sam: And then he went to sleep. The next mornin' he went to the strange object and realized it was a Thing and so hid it in the bush.  
  
Hermione: ¬_¬ that's not much of a hiding place...  
  
Hika: * randomly appears dressed as an Urple, flying penguin * You look like Keru! ^_^ * disappears *  
  
Hermione: Y..e...a...h.... Yeah, anyways... What kind of random things have happened lately besides this person randomly appearing and saying "you look like Keru"?  
  
Pippin: My Ale has been randomly disappearin'.  
  
Merry: That's because you've been [i]drinking[/i] it, Pippin.  
  
Pippin: I would know if I had drunk it! * drinks the rest of a pint he had been drinking * * looks at his pint glass * See?! It just disappeared....  
  
Everyone: ¬_¬;;  
  
Hika: * randomly appears * You-  
  
Emerald: We look like Keru! We know! Go home!!  
  
Hika: You dun have to be so mean about it... * disappears *  
  
Harry: You didn't have to be mean to her.  
  
Emerald: But she made me lose my train of thought...  
  
Harry: Oh, well. As you were saying?  
  
Emerald: I, er... I forgot where we were talking about...  
  
Hermione: I had asked if you could tell me about any of the recent random happenings.  
  
Emerald: Well, there was this elf that randomly appeared here and some flying lack and white things have been randomly flying over the shire.  
  
Hermione, Harry, and Ron: * look at eachother * Penguins.  
  
Emerald: So * those * are what penguins are! Are penguins dangerous?  
  
Hermione: I think they are only when they're rebelling.  
  
Harry: Why don't you bring us to the field where you found this... er.. Thing?  
  
Emerald: Okay, I'll show you.  
  
Emerald, Pippin, Merry, Sam, Frodo, Hermione, Harry, and Ron: * go to the feild *  
  
[b]~currently, in Hogwarts~[/b]  
  
Draco, Goyle, and Crabbe: * find the portal to middle-Earth in the hallway *  
  
Draco: This must be where Potter went!  
  
Goyle: Er, yeah... Must be... * blinks stupidly *  
  
Draco: Well?! Go through there!!  
  
Crabbe: What if there's... monsters? * gulp *  
  
Draco: Then he'll be too bust eating you dimwits to notice me! * pushes Crabbe and Goyle through the portal, waits, and goes through himself *  
  
Goyle: Hey, everybody! It's the 70's!  
  
Draco: ¬_¬;; No, it's not.  
  
Hika: * randomly appears * You look like Keru! Just like those other people wearing clothes like yours!  
  
Draco: I have NO idea- Wait... Other people wearing clothes like ours?  
  
Hika: * nod, nod * They wear in Hobbiton talking to some hobbits. There were three people, too. Two guys and one girl.  
  
Draco: Potter, Weasley, and Granger... Lead us to them.  
  
Hika: No!  
  
Draco: Are you disobeying me?!  
  
Hika: Yeah. I want sugar!  
  
Draco: -_-; * mumbles * She's worse than Fifi...  
  
Hika: * perks up * Fifi?! * runs around * FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI FIFI- * runs into a tree * Ow.  
  
Goyle: ...Who's Fifi?  
  
Draco: Er... I forgot...  
  
Crabbe: So have I.  
  
Goyle: You never knew in the first place ¬_¬  
  
Hika: Hehehe! You look like 'Keru! ^_^  
  
Daco: * randomly appears and eats Draco * *-* yum......  
  
Goyle and Crabbe: * blink stupidly *  
  
Daco: * eats Goyle and Crabbe then evilly grins at Hika *  
  
Hika: O.O uh-oh... * runs away (to Hobbiton) *  
  
Draco: * transforms into a hobit and disappears *  
  
[b]~in Daco's stomach~[/b]  
  
Draco: Now this is ironic. I ate myself.  
  
Crabbe: Actually, your typo twin ate you.  
  
Draco: Are you correcting me?!  
  
Crabbe: Er, no!  
  
Draco: Okay, but I'm watching you...  
  
[b]~in Hobbiton~[/b]  
  
Daco: *appears behind some bushes near a feild*  
  
Frodo, Pippin, Merry, Sam, Emerald, Hermione, harry, and Ron: * are near a big hole in the ground where the Thing used to be *  
  
Hermione: This is where you found it?  
  
Emerald: * looks annoyed * Not It. [i]Thing[/i].  
  
Hermione: Er...  
  
Harry: Okay, okay. * walks to the edge of the hole and looks down at the bottom * It's not that deep...  
  
Pippin: Yeah, Sam. From the story you told it sounded deeper.  
  
Sam: Guy dug the hole at night and couldn't see how deep he was diggin'.  
  
Everyone: Ah. Makes sense.  
  
Daco: * still hidden behind the bushes * Hmm... A Thing, eh? That could help me a great deal in my evil deeds...  
  
[b]~in Saruman's evil place, AKA Orthanc~[/b]  
  
Daruman: * randomly appears, thinks a lot, dies *  
  
Saruman: * laughs evilly at Daruman's death * * sees the hobbits and Hogwarts students near a hole and hears them say something about a Thing in his palantir * Hmm... A Thing, eh? That could help me a great deal in my evil deeds...  
  
[b]~near the field again~[/b]  
  
Daco: * realizes he's disguised as a hobit and walks up to the others near the hole * Watcha lookin' at?  
  
Emerald: * eyes Daco * Nothing... Who are you?  
  
Daco: I'm, er... I'm... Timmy from Northbrooke. I'm also a hobbit like you.  
  
Frodo: You don't look like a hobbit.  
  
Daco: * looks himself over and realizes he's taller than the average hobbit, has pointier ears, and green-blue skin * Er.... oops?  
  
CBB: * randomly appears * Never say "OOPS!" Say "Ah. Interesting." * disappears *  
  
Daco: ...* thinks: I hate those things that keep randomly happening *  
  
Flying penguin(FP): * randomly swoops down and pecks Daco repeatedly and then flies away *  
  
Daco: Hey, OW! * glares at the penguin *  
  
Emerald: * sighs * Can we get back on subject?!  
  
Everyone: * pay Emerald their attention and remain quiet *  
  
Emerald: * becomes a zillionaire and becomes the ruler of the Shire * ANYways, * says Emerald with lots of jewelry and fancy clothes on, * Daco * points at Daco * must be an evil Hobit!  
  
Daco: I've already told you that I was a hobbit!  
  
Emerald: No, I mean Hobit. H-O-B-I-T. It's actually pronounces Hoe-bit or Hah-bite or something like that.  
  
Daco: Ah. Interesting. * nervous shifty glance *  
  
Pippin and Merry: Get 'im! * jump on Daco and pin him down *  
  
Emerald: * gets a big, untearable bag and puts Daco in it * There. He won't try to do what he was trying to do when he came here.  
  
Hernione: * randomly appears, takes daco out of the bag and eats him * * blinkblink *  
  
Everyone: * blinkblink * Hermiuone: * commits suicide *  
  
Hermione: ¬_¬;; These typo twins are getting annoying...  
  
Hika: * runs up to Hermione, panting * You... look... like... 'Keru!!! ^_^;;  
  
Jermione(a male Hermione typo twin): ¬_¬ I'm cursed to always look like 'Keru.  
  
Nelson Muntz: * randomly appears * * points at Jermione * Haw haw! * disappears *  
  
Rion: * is created * * sounds like one of those rich British people with those monocle things * Oh, damn. Now I've been created.  
  
Ron: * kills Rion * -_-;; Bloody Hell...  
  
Hernione: * sees a bird and goes to chase it *  
  
Jermione: ¬_¬;  
  
Hika: * blinks * I'm the Surpreme Ruler of the Universe! ^_^  
  
Ron: You don't look like a ruler... You look like a human.  
  
Hika: ¬_¬ I look like 'Keru...  
  
Harry: These jokes are getting old -_-;  
  
Hika: No they aren't. ^_^  
  
Hernione: * eats the bird she was chasing * * blinkblink * * chases some more birds *  
  
[b]~Back in Hogwarts~[/b]  
  
Snape: * sees the portal to Middle-Earth on his way somewhere throught that same hallway that the portal was befor e* I bet Potter had something to do with this... To get around this portal, I'd have to go through a different hallway that is much longer than this one because this portal is blocking the entire hallway! I bet Potter and his[i] friends[/i] went through here... I also bet that-  
  
Neville: * bumps into Snape on accident * Oops! I'm sorry... * realizes that Snape has gone through the portal, feels relieved that Snape's gone, and goes back to the Gryffindor commonroom *  
  
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A/N: Ooooo! A cliff hanger! How... Cliff hang..ing! Erm... Well, I should've said this earlier, but this is my first fanfic ever, so it may be a little bad but that's why I have readers like you to give me contructive critism and to flame me at will. I dun give in to flames, though. I'm a pyromaniac so I only laugh at these flames, you see? ^_^ I knew you'd get it. You can flame me if you want to, still. 


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